Many men and women find that they’re frustrated because their performance isn’t what they want it to be. They might have decent sex but wish it was better.
The problem is that most men don’t discuss how to get better or last longer in bed, and it’s time to change this. Sexual confidence is for everyone. Most men incorrectly believe that they are either naturally gifted or not, but this isn’t true!
Sex is similar to many other activities in life. You can get better with practice and research, but it won’t happen overnight.
Though this article focuses on men’s issues, you could be reading this as a woman and wondering, “is there a way to learn how to be more confident in bed with my husband?” Self-confidence is crucial for both parties, and the information below will help you reach your goals. Here are a few tips to make guys better in bed!
I also encourage you to read my beginners guide to having sex if you are experimenting for the first time.
Have Sexual Confidence and Believe You Are Good in Bed
The first step is to believe you can get better in bed. If you don’t have that thought process down, your sexual confidence will suffer. When you already think there’s no solution to your boring or disappointing sex life, you don’t have a chance of changing things.
Saying that you can’t is another form of “I shouldn’t try” or “I give up.” The underlying reason for bad or boring sex is often not having the courage to discover and change things. However, it’s also complicated to know what makes great sex.
Usually, many factors come into play, such as technique, relational health, mental health, and physical health. It takes time to address all of those things, but the results are definitely worth your time.
You might be here to learn how to be confident in bed with a new partner, but the first thing to do is recognize that solutions are available. Then, you must determine how to apply them in your life to have better sex. Regardless of your current skill level, there are ways to improve.
Here’s a pro tip: incorporate some oral sex into your lifestyle. There are many methods, such as the Venus butterfly technique, that can elevate your oral game while you improve on other aspects.
Don’t Hold Unrealistic Expectations for Your Sex Life
It’s also crucial to be realistic about your sexual expectations with your partner. Most people watch Hollywood sex scenes or pornography, but those don’t accurately show real-life sex. Though they might turn you on, they aren’t considered how-to guides for better sex.
Most people do think of them as reality and base their expectations on this. Therefore, they set rules for their sex lives that will ultimately end in hurt feelings and disappointment.
For example, there are many unfair pressures put on everyone when it comes to sex, but that’s especially true for ladies. Recent studies highlight the point by demonstrating that self-esteem and good sex are really connected in women. When you are confident in bed and know you can meet the needs of your sexual partner, you will have a better sex life.
Therefore, you must separate “porn” from “real sex.” Put things in perspective. Realize that what the media portrays is simply entertainment and not education.
You should also balance your perspectives. Your normal sex life might not be what you see in movies, but that doesn’t have to thwart or inhibit your sexual expression. Your body responds to sex just like everyone else.
The huge difference here is that you understand that there must be a happy medium. What you see in porn movies might not be what you experience in life. Still, you can always broaden your horizons to sex toys.
In fact, using sex toys with a partner can feel good. Both parties can experience pleasure and do something new and fun.
Consider Seeing a Sex Therapist
While some people exude sexual confidence without having to do anything else, you might have trouble. That doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.
However, you may want to look at your relationship with your partner and consider talking to a sex therapist. These professionals can help you figure things out and even discuss everything together with your partner. It gives both people a space where they feel safe enough to discuss bedroom issues and work them out in a healthy way.
Be Kind to Your Partner
It’s important to treat your partner appropriately at all times, even in the bedroom. Research shows that honesty and kindness in a romantic partner are the most essential traits, regardless of whether they’re male or female.
Overall, people want someone who treats them well. When you’re kind and considerate every day, you’ll have a better sex life.
Likewise, being kind to each other puts your relationship in a good place and keeps it there. For most people, relationship issues are the most significant factor that gets in the way of a satisfying sex life.
However, you shouldn’t be nice to get what you want. Authenticity is crucial here and will help you become sexually confident with time.
There are always the exceptions that prove the rule, but most women are turned on by words instead of visual cues. However, guys are the opposite.
Men are often visual and like to see beautiful women in photographs or in real life. Physical attractiveness is crucial for sexual confidence in men.
Alternatively, women often use a man’s physical appearance to get intimate. However, they also gravitate to the emotional aspect. They may read love stories instead of browsing photographs of handsome men.
Generally, men are caught up in the physical mechanics, but women require a broader experience of feeling loved and valued. When both partners keep those differences in mind, it will lead to better sex.
Yes, you must know what turns you on and use that. However, you can’t be blind to what she likes. Therefore, you can use words to compliment her beauty, accomplishments, and talents. Then, when you’re in the bedroom, you could step it up a notch and talk dirty.
Just make sure that you’re giving positive affirmation outside of the bedroom too. A woman who only hears compliments in bed might think you only appreciate what she’ll do between the sheets.
Use Sexual Enhancers
Most couples are turned on by sexual enhancers, and this can also boost your sexual confidence. You don’t have to go all out and try anal beads or something exceptionally kinky. Instead, start with products that help control a climax or make the woman feel wetter. Or, if your woman is into getting huge loads blown on her, check out this semen enhancing supplement.
If you often orgasm before your sexual partner, this can be highly frustrating, especially if it ends sex for both parties. When the problem persists for a long time, it can damage the relationship. In fact, your significant other might lose the desire to have sex because their needs aren’t met, and you can’t both reach a solution.
An effective way to address that issue is by choosing a delay spray. The product will help you hold out longer so that you both have satisfying sexual experiences, and you will cum more. Research indicates that it works, and you will enjoy everything and last longer in bed, which can make you feel more confident.
In some cases, women might be aroused, but they aren’t wet enough “down there.” Sexual arousal gel can stimulate the blood flow to the vagina and also offers a warming and tingling sensation. This will build more clitoral stimulation and close the orgasm gap so that she has a better sexual experience, as well.
Celebrate What You’ve Got (Don’t Compare Yourself to Others)
Humans often compare themselves to others because it’s how we understand and evaluate ourselves. In fact, it can generate self-esteem.
However, the problem is that we start comparing our relationships to others. That could help you feel better about what you’re doing, but it might make things worse.
The danger is that you’re looking at a relationship that isn’t yours, such as from a friend or something in the media. It’s tempting to use that as a yardstick to show whether your romantic life is successful.
Research indicates that comparing your relationship to others makes you feel worse. Therefore, you may wonder if you could do better or are in the right relationship.
Though you shouldn’t settle for a relationship, feeling self-conscious can make it to where you never enjoy what you have. You have to stop the comparison game to ensure that you have a great sex life and remain sexually confident in bed.
Often called “the grass is greener” syndrome, it will hurt your relationship and make you feel less confident.
Experiment with Foreplay
There are many sexual pleasure points on the body, and you probably haven’t discovered all of yours yet (or your partner’s). Women and men have various erogenous zones, and some of them aren’t below the waist.
For instance, many people get turned on when someone caresses or massages the back of their neck. Others like to have their ears licked or nibbled.
Did you know that some women achieve orgasm when their nipples are stimulated? Nothing else needs to be touched for it to happen!
It’s very easy to assume that between the legs is where you experience the most sexual pleasure. However, that’s not accurate. It’s crucial to explore your partner’s body, and it will be a good thing.
However, make sure you pay attention to special interests or requests. For example, most women have a stronger orgasm with clitoral stimulation, but others find that the “G-shot” is more erotic.
The best way to exude sexual confidence is by talking to your sexual partner and listening to her when she tells you what she likes and doesn’t like. In most cases, an honest conversation will help her feel comfortable trying new things.
Avoid Defensiveness from Disappointing Sex
It doesn’t matter how good you and your partner are when it comes to sex. There are bound to be frustrating moments in your sexual relationship. For example, you may want sex when the other person doesn’t. They could be sick, dealing with stress at work, or not be in the mood.
Overall, sexual desire is highly complicated and can be affected by various factors. It’s crucial to be understanding and sensitive to that fact. Just because one person is in the mood and the other isn’t doesn’t mean that the relationship is doomed or that your partner isn’t attracted anymore.
Don’t take these things so personally unless it becomes a recurring problem. There will always be times when a partner has to put their needs above the other person’s. This is healthy, and research indicates that people who do this often have more sexual confidence and better relationships.
In a sense, you shouldn’t be defensive or angry if your partner isn’t comfortable doing something in bed or vice versa. It will only make life more difficult later. Therefore, it’s wise to step back from the situation and not pick a fight when your anger is heightened.
Instead, approach sexual disagreements using a solution-oriented mindset. You can do something to fix the problem, but getting upset and blaming your partner won’t help. It’s wise to work together so that you’re both happy, even if there’s a compromise involved.
Remember That Sex Isn’t Just About the Bedroom
Many guys have trouble remembering that sex isn’t only about the bedroom. Men will often argue with their significant other and have tension but still want sex. Women rarely work that way.
In fact, men are good at separating sex from the relationship. However, women are relational creatures and see the relationship, including sex, as a whole.
You can have all the sexual confidence you want, but if you can’t shift your mindset, you will likely not have anyone to turn to. Though you probably won’t understand the reason for that stance, you should still know it’s real and try to nurture it.
Plus, a woman’s point of view makes sense. She wishes to feel safe throughout the relationship before taking part in more vulnerable aspects, such as sex. Imagine that sex is the roof on the relationship house. If you have the perfect roof, there could still be problems in any room. You need a solid foundation and sturdy walls.
Overall, the roof won’t matter if the other components aren’t stable. Better sex has a structure that supports the roof and a solid foundation. If you’re not nurturing everything within the relationship, great sex might be harder to come by.
However, sex is often used as a way to smooth disagreements. Make-up sex can be pretty amazing, but if you’re always finding yourself and your partner fighting before sex, there could be an issue.
Show Affection and Cuddle After Sex
Men often think that sex is over once both parties reach a climax. Though the act itself is done, that mindset will cause you to miss aftercare. What people do after sex is just as important as what happens during.
Intimacy and affection after the deed can help you bond and express yourselves. You can demonstrate that it’s special and something you both do together.
Research shows couples who spoon and show affection after sex in other ways are often more satisfied with their sex lives and relationships long term.
You can boost your sexual confidence now by making sex affection habitual. Then, your relationship will end up stronger than ever before. As the bond strengthens, the sex gets even better!
Understand Your Own Body and Needs
Since men and women think differently, it’s hard to gain sexual confidence when you’re not sure what to do or how to start things off.
You can pull from your past sexual experiences, but your goal is to explore new things with this partner. If you only think about what you did in a different relationship, you’ll ultimately be let down when you realize that this person might have other needs.
The first thing you should do is know your body. Masturbate to determine what touches you like and what drives you crazy enough to orgasm. For example, some men like it when women touch their penises and twist gently. Others can’t stand it. Knowing what you prefer can help you talk about that with your partner so that she can start doing it.
Once you’re confident with yourself, it’s also important to focus on your partner’s needs and body. Most men understand where their penis goes but going “in and out” isn’t the only thing you can do. There are various positions and techniques to look into.
Prepare for the Bedroom and Look/Feel Sexy
Let’s take a step back from men for a moment. Women are likely to read this article, as well, to get a sense of what men want or need. Therefore, you should also focus on your own body image. Learning how to be more confident in bed as a woman will help you experience pleasure in new ways and get comfortable trying different things.
It often seems like men have an on/off switch for sex; they can turn it on at a moment’s notice, but it usually takes women a lot longer to get turned on, and it starts earlier, as well.
For example, a woman wants to feel loved and connected before she jumps into bed with a guy. This can be something simple like a man holding the door open. Regardless, you may find that you have to “get in the mood.” This is normal for women, so you might play around with wearing lingerie or using colored lights when it’s time for romance.
Both sexes should prepare themselves for the bedroom. This is a two-way street, and you want to ensure that you’re clean. Take a shower before the event (and consider doing so together for more foreplay action).
Feeling self-conscious about your body will ultimately lead to you being less confident. You may not love everything about your body, but try to ignore those issues and focus on the best parts of you. This could be your hair, smile, breasts, or anything else.
Tips on How to Be Better in Bed
Everything we’ve talked about so far can help you gain sexual confidence and be better in bed. However, there are so many things you can do to help.
Being a good lover is one of many ways you show respect and love to your partner. It can also bring about health benefits, such as stress reduction, better immunity, lower blood pressure, and more. Regardless of your reasons for being better in bed, here are a few more tips to help you achieve your goals!
1. Make the First Move
It’s easy to fall into a rut where one person is the one making the first move all the time. This comes from being sexually confident. Therefore, you may need to talk to your partner and let them know that if they made the first move, it would turn you on more and lead to more sexual arousal.
When you initiate, your partner sees that you are confident enough and assertive to go for what you want. It also signals that you’re interested in them.
There are many ways to initiate sex. However, one surefire way is to maintain eye contact with them while you touch their intimate places. Putting a hand on her breast while you look into her eyes is seductive and is often a huge turn-on. She gets the feeling of closeness she craves and is often ready to jump into the sack.
2. Set the Mood
Humans are very sensitive beings. Most people can’t go to penetrative sex from a fully clothed stance without some sort of arousal activity. Foreplay is a great way to boost your sexual confidence because it creates excitement.
In fact, foreplay includes many activities that would lead to intercourse, such as:
- Oral sex
- Handjobs and fingering
- Slowly stripping in front of each other
- Massaging different body parts
- Kisses on the mouth and body
- Whispering sweet words to your partner (or even naughty things you want to do with/to them)
Masturbation is also foreplay. It will boost your mood, help you feel a desire for sex, and ensure that you feel good with your body.
Just remember that there’s no wrong or right way to have foreplay. As long as it’s consensual and stimulating for both parties, it’s an option!
3. Try Different Positions
It’s never a bad thing to stick with what you know works. However, getting into the same position each time becomes monotonous for you both. In fact, it could lead to stagnation because you each know what to expect.
Think back to your past sexual experiences. Were you always on top and in the missionary position? Consider other options. If you’re not familiar with them, you can purchase various books on the subject. Ask your partner to look at them with you so that it’s a bonding experience.
Most men are pretty good in the missionary position, but you may wonder how to be more confident in bed on top, especially as a woman. The best thing you can do is go for it. Nothing bad will happen, though it might take a few tries with something new before you fully appreciate it.
Simply explore different positions by watching porn. Consider buying the Kama Sutra book to get some inspiration! This will help you keep that passion alive, especially if you’ve been with your current partner for a long period. You can also try role-playing, with one being more submissive than usual.
4. Make Noise
Most sexually confident people are vocal during sex. Moaning, grunting, and sighing when you experience pleasure will reaffirm to your partner that you like what’s happening. Likewise, being loud during sex can boost your sexual desire and pleasure. For example, some men really want to hear a woman’s moans, pants, and squeals of delight. Let her know this!
5. Let Your Partner See It All
In real life, most people do the deed with the lights off. You might not like your body right now, but this can lower your sexual confidence in the bedroom.
Likewise, it can be exciting and make you feel confident if you touch yourself while your partner watches and have her do the same. When both people can see everything, it increases arousal.
It might help to know what happens down there, too. Touch yourself frequently and look in the mirror to understand your own anatomy. As you feel more comfortable, you can do this with your partner present, exploring each others’ bodies (which can be foreplay!)
6. Don’t Focus on Your Appearance
If you want to feel confident in bed, you have to be fully present in the moment with no distractions. Though you probably spent time preparing your own body, it’s best to focus on feelings instead of appearances when you’re in bed.
Your body image can throw you off and prevent you from feeling sexually confident. Focus on the experiences you have while in bed, and don’t worry so much that your hair is a mess or your gut isn’t as chiseled as you’d like.
7. Tell Your Partner What to Do
Being sexually confident means that you know what you like and how to get it. Use those past experiences to help you form your preferred bedroom tango style.
As you start learning more about yourself, you’ll probably come up with things you enjoy that your partner doesn’t do. There are constructive ways to provide feedback without criticizing them. In fact, do it to them as long as they consent to show that it’s nice. They might follow your lead.
If they don’t, there’s nothing to fear. You can still discuss the things you like. Find a quiet moment with few distractions and focus on the sexual health of you both.
It might be a reminder to get checked for STDs (and yes, you both should do this, even if you’re monogamous). While talking about that, you can bring up the things you like and ask your partner if she’d like to try them sometime.
8. Keep It Spontaneous
Having sexual confidence is one thing, but it can ebb if you always do the same things or never spice things up. You can surprise your partner by suggesting that you both watch porn together or get a new sex toy. Another option is to just grab her while you’re making dinner or doing chores, as long as it’s safe.
Once you’re feeling more confident in the bedroom, you could go outside your comfort zone. Wear nothing but an apron while cooking supper, rub their leg at a restaurant, and whatever else makes you feel hot and bothered.
9. Discuss Fantasies and Act Them Out
Your sexual health is important. While most men focus on STD testing, becoming more sexually confident is another way to improve your overall health.
Most people have fantasies that they keep bottled up inside. However, you should open up about yours to show confidence. Sex is mental as well as physical. Even if you don’t act them out in real life, discussing them can bring arousal, as well.
10. Take Control in the Bedroom
Both partners deserve sexual satisfaction, and there are many ways to achieve that. Therefore, you may feel confident in bed just by taking control when you’re in the bedroom. Just make sure that you’re respecting your partner’s preferences and needs and get consent.
Exude More Sexual Confidence in the Bedroom – Final Thoughts
Having a great sex life is a two-way street. As a man, you probably focus solely on what you can do to help your partner get more or better orgasms. However, showing sexual confidence is only part of it.
Your partner must also have enough self-confidence to try new things and want to improve your love life. Having a discussion about sex is crucial, and most women find it sexy to talk openly and honestly about their likes and dislikes.